In the mid-2000s, my original rapping partner and close friend ginzuintriplicate was working on a ton of music and no-one was hearing any of it.  Just before he moved to Osaka, Japan, in 2006, he dumped a bunch of unmixed demos on me as if to taunt me with their raw power and unmistakable charms… but utter unreadiness for release.

One of those was “Have Not,” a verse on an amazing beat of his devising, which I made him extend by two minutes so I could offer my own take on his theory.  He obliged, and that track was going to come out on an album I never finished. Yet.  So he leaked it on soundcloud or something?

Another was this blazing nugget: “Neighbourhood 2006!!”  Again just a fantastic, tough, enviable beat that he hooked up on his weird sampler, and one meandering verse.  This one hilarious.  And that hook… this song was not recorded in 2006, but there it was.

I had to be a part of it!!

This time, I let myself in around the back way, with a key I knew he’d hidden under a brick in the yard.  That is to say, I looped up part of the beat that he left un-rapped upon, and I did rap upon it!  I also cut up one of my favourite songs, “That’s How It Is” by Casual, probably because I um really closely mimic some parts of that song in my verse.  And I could only hope to sound like him a year ago.

ginzu gave the extended version his blessing, but we never did get around to (a) getting someone better than me to re-record the cuts, or (b) rebuild, resequence and most of all MIX the beat in any way!  So the sound is pretty shoddy.

But I still love listening to it like crazy, so I thought maybe you would, too.

Here are the lyrics:

[jesse]
Hey yo, time-traveling ginzu333!  Our calculations that the heads would be ready for you in the year 2009 have proven spurious, bur we can’t afford to delay the detonation any longer, so let’s get this party started quickly!!

[ginzu]
Hey yo, how hard is that?  You better smack your publicicist.  I’m walking upright like australopithecus.  Yeah, monkeys!  Go and ask Darwin if this is the “missing link,” or just an asshole who thinks he is - steppin’ in a bathrobe and slippers, with a fistful of dollars and a math book division quiz.

You can’t even pronounce ginzuintriplicate!  I play with my food, you just snack Arrowroot Biscuits.  Peep my Gordon Shumway like that Mrs The-Chronic (Ochmonek) b____, set a release date for your box of posthumous hits.  And I ain’t asking for problems with you or him, I just cause little nuisances like Kramer letting Newman in!  NEWMAN!

From Dartmouth city, the ominous man of dubious origins - cutting abdominal cavities out of probably any man who’s assuming I’m poor at this.  Brragh!  Come through your skin like a orifice!

Get together and… I look harder than you and my kids in a minivan sorta shit!  MCs don’t stick like Pam!  Nah, they slide out quietly like Americans in Viet Nam, with green eggs and a… side of broccoli.  Don’t talk to me about dues, I was pre-paid since my pops taught me to talk and speak!

Cop my cockney nouns, verbs, and adjectives properly - the baddest thing, and adamantly sent to turn the art on its head like Dadaism… sadomasoc-c-c-c-chistic-chisti-chisti-chissi-PLATONISM.

2006 MCs can eat my neighbourhood.

[jesse]
Hey yo, time-traveling ginzu333!  This is Jesse D from the alternate timeline future where the animals never rose up, eating humans!  And I gotta tell you, man, it’s pretty sweeeet!

Hey yo, how hard is that?  You said I looked like a heart attack waiting to happen.  I said, yeah, to YOU, and boy I ain’t even rapping!  That’s why they made me the captain, chicks swarm all over the actor cast to play me in action flicks.

Asking if I ever get plastered is inaccurate - I fell into the cauldron… my best friend is Asterix.  Yellin’ is a problem I got, like when you storm the gates and need a key, you hear dramatic string stabs from Norman Bates.  With wing tabs to hold the film in place, shooting X-rays with prejudice and we can finish this the next day.  I never miss.

I wrecks, like Tyrannosaur or Oedipus.  You make a sandwich wrap with different sorts of lettuces!  I hate to damage rap, but this is for your benefit, and we’ll be back after this important messages:

Medicine marketing got you itching for a sedative, or anything targeting your insecure, impressionable kids.  Did that rhyme?  I guess it almost did.  MCs in the nineties wear a dress and swallow kids!  Hollow heads try to follow this, gonna need a miracle - wanna flow, but sounding like me a year ago?

Shit!  Told the truth, I got loose.  To the boards I shoot and someone’s always got feuds with me, so feel free to ride the vivrant thing, like your girl said she was when we were cybering.  I feel like no-one ever her right, so I composed the prose that said that she was real nice!

And you’ll run and tell your man about the fact I run businesses, and I’ll be up in it when I smack my publicicist’s ass on the impish tip…

“This is it!”

…you’re wack and un-rap, like the orange chocolate Christmas gift.

2006 MCs can eat my neighbourhood.  (It’s not the year, it’s the number of MCs.)