Qu'est-ce Que J D?
tw: intimate violence

i can’t see inside everyone’s heart or mind, or even my own always

i can only try and figure out what people are like from cues they give, deliberately or otherwise

but i find myself wondering if people’s different experiences can be somewhat guessed at from examples such as

when they share a found image of a bruise on vulnerable skin, or a rendering of a scenario that may suggest human captivity or torment,

and they release a pent up exultation in the form of the expression of some kind of sexual desire to on the objective end of something like what’s depicted

does it mean they’ve never had to think about violence outside of the context of something undertaken voluntarily for sport?

i don’t really mean because they see it and they feel the way they say they feel - people are complex; of course you could have any breadth or depth of experience and meet the world where you find it in terms of oh i don’t know kink for lack of a better word

but sharing it in public, in a venue not explicitly marked as being the place one goes if they don’t mind happening upon that kind of image just whenever in the middle of their day

does that mean they just haven’t ever had to wonder if someone might feel differently encountering that image out of context?  or in context?  or at all?

do some people just not know that violence is something other than a fantasy for some other people?



On the topic of R.Kelly and holding black men in our community accountable for their sexual violence against women, why haven’t we been talking about tupac? A follower of mine pointed out to me that tupac was convicted of rape/involved in the gang rape of a young black woman by the name of Ayanna Jackson in 1994. And he went to prison for this, the very prison time that is romanticized but why he got there is swept under the rug. Tupac is painted as a conscious rapper who understood the magnitude of racism, poverty, and misogyny and yet I’ve never heard a peep about his rape trial, at least not from anti-oppression bloggers on tumblr.

this tho!!! speedy revisionism for “conscious” black men is so real. y’all remember that mass silencing of those black women who were raped by prominent black panthers (huey p. newton included)? y’all remember all the black girls who were raped by elijah muhammad? remember all that shit? how you can rape a black girl and still be considered valuable and conscious to your community man?!?!?!…like TRUE sexual terrorism of the black girl body right here!

this is why i don’t have fun tupac v. biggie debates. i used to go on about this, but now i just go quiet.

no one lets you just go quiet. they want to see a smile no matter what.

it’s not cute though.

Rap Game Dworkin Apologist

queerandpresentdanger replied to your post: queerandpresentdanger: invinciblemonsters…

ew i just googled her cause i had literally never heard of it not so sure i should be proud of that now :/

For about six or seven years my perspective on her was totally informed by angry sex-positive feminists who took exception to her (perceived) radical misandry, her (perceived) overtones of lesbian separatism, her (legit) theories that consent might not be possible when sexual acts are undertaken in a patriarchal culture.  She’s most famous for saying extremely contentious things, and for crusading against pornography.  Somewhat successfully, albeit in a way that she never intended or supported.

A lot of people find it hard to forgive her for that last thing, but then a lot of people also find it hard to admit that pornography such as it exists in the mainstream of our culture causes at least as much harm as the TV shows or magazines they recognize as harmful and oppressive.  She herself was opposed to obscenity legislation, because it tends to be essentially misogynist, but her testimonies were used (against her preference, and over her protests) to bolster some laws of that type in Canada.  Also I never hear the same people tarring Gloria Steinem or Adrienne Rich with that brush, but she moved in concert with them at times.

I don’t agree with everything I’ve read from her - far from it.  But I think she’s one of the most important people for men to listen to who purport to care about feminism, because she doesn’t give a fuck about how we feel about ANYthing and that’s really important.

And she gave this speech, and I’ll be grateful to her for it for the rest of my life, and I feel sick that I didn’t learn what was important and necessary and healing about her until after she died in 2005:

TAKE BACK THE DAY: I Want A 24-hour truce During Which There Is No Rape (1983)

I don’t actually know her relationship to academia.  I never pursued a university education.  I knew about her because I read a collection of sex-positive essays that trashed her when I was a teenager, and I was wrong about her because I was a young man who didn’t want to look at sex and porn too critically.

She deserves better than to be written off, even if one doesn’t end up agreeing with her.

Trigger warning for descriptions of threats and simulations of violence, sexual and otherwise, against women.  Well one woman in particular, but as a warning to all.

It’s really upsetting.

You get boxed into this place, the more people reading and commenting on your work. You feel like you should be a role model instead of a messy, flawed person. You have to ask yourself constantly, “Am I being honest, or am I too afraid? Am I saying what I mean to say, or what I think I should say?” Is this real is this real is this real?

In my own little corner of the world of trying to be okay with bodies as an example to other people with bodies, this rings wincingly true.  Everything that ever makes it hard to be cavalier and dashing about how great it is to be so fat and desirable also carries with it the additional stress of the fear that I’ll betray everyone who ever got anything out of how fine I am with all this.

It is really hard to be fine, pretty much no matter what.  It’s scary to have to fake like it’s no big deal.  But it’s also scary to imagine that it might get harder for someone else if you crack.

But being afraid to crack is really bad for you.

I admire a piece like this for gently showing the cracks with context, because not only is it honest but it models coping with imperfection.